Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Cat(atonic)-Like Reflexes

I used to be a spaz. Like, a freak-out-on-a-dime kind of spaz that would leave me and those around me utterly exhausted. I like to think that while I can, at times, exhibit less than calm (ahem) tendencies, I have come veritable miles from the drop-of-a-hat kind of spazzer I used to be.

There is a direct correlation between the amount my faith has grown and the reduction in my ninnyhammer (1) moments. It really is an obvious deduction. When our faith in God and His ability to take care of us grows, we become less affected by the troubles or hiccups the natural world throws our way. It means that when something comes up that would normally have us in a frazzled state we stay calm and trust that He will work it all out for the good. This is a basic faith-skill so to speak:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)

I, um….er…..struggle with this at times.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Night At the Museum: No Naked Cavemen Here

Since I've begun writing again, I've noticed a distinct change in the way I think. It's given me a reason to sit down and really contemplate who I used to be and who I am now, something I think we as a species need to do more frequently. It's so easy to get caught up in a cycle of defeat because we think to ourselves, "I've screwed up again, just like always," or "Gee, here I am at the same place I've always been."

As I was helping my sister plant a vegetable garden a few days ago (and realizing why most people buy their produce from a nice, air conditioned building instead of growing it themselves - insert revelation of hot sun, sweaty armpits, dirty knees and a burnt scalp here) we had a short conversation about how we are nothing like the people we used to be. It was one of those serious talks that finds its into an afternoon of laughter born from shared misery of some sort. (That's how we handle difficult or unpleasant situations in my family - kill it with sarcasm.) A conversation with an unspoken shared agreement that we much prefer the women we are now to the former versions we walked around in.

It hasn't been an easy journey of self-reflection, let me tell you. There are times when I literally face-palm when I think about some of the stupid, selfish, hateful and reckless things I have lurking in the murky depths of my past. I can say with heart-felt honestly that it is a miracle I am still alive. Meditating on who you used to be isn't a pleasant thing to do, and actually not something that I think needs to be done all the time, but it is something that I think we need to learn to take more time for.